I get ask this question more often than one would think. The question of how to recognize “the one”, your soulmate. Like most of us who want to be married to “the one” God has ordained to be our spouse, we’ve asked ourselves this question time and time and again. “God! How will I know when the one comes? How will I recognize them? What will they look like? What should I look for that will tell me that it’s “them”? If this sounds like you, then welcome to the club my fellow Christian sibling! We’ve all been there. And the question is nerve recking to say the least. I mean first of all, recognizing “the one” implies first that there is one person that we are supposed to be with. Second, that it may be difficult to recognize them among the billions of people on earth. And third, that out of all the people on earth, there is only one person that we could be happy with. If you have not recognized where I’m going with this post already, then definitely keep reading. And if you’ve figured out my response to this question, by now, then do me a favor and keep reading to the end.
Let’s start with the topic of “the one” or “soul mates”. There are many people both believers and non-believers who believe in the idea of soul mates or there being only one person on earth who was created to be with you. I am not one of those people for several reasons, but this is not what this particular post is about. I want to discuss how you would recognize the person you’d want to spend the rest of your life with.
Remember I said I do not believe in soul mates? Well I believe that whomever you choose to be with and marry, will come with baggage and challenges. This is true regardless of if you two have everything in common or nothing at all in common. Marriage is work! Relationships are work! Period! There is no way around it! Therefore, posing the question of recognizing the one is a question asked out of fear. Fear that not finding “the one” would lead to divorce or hurt. Fear that God would let you miss the opportunity of receiving romantic love. And fear that no one else besides “the one” will love you like you desire to be loved. That’s fear and we know that fear does not originate with Christ.
To those who subscribe to the notion of a soul mate, I don’t want to tell you to stop believing because I don’t believe, because there is nothing wrong with believing in soul mates. However, I will say that believing in soul mates limits your choices. I believe that God provides us choices in mate. What do I mean by that? That God will present you with a choice of available believers who you could co-exist with well. If He presents a believer who you like, and who likes you , and you two decide to face the world together, then great! If He presents a believer and you don’t like him or her, or vice versa, then that is fine as well, move on and wait for God to present someone else. This is how I believe God works. I do not believe He creates one person for us to love because He created us all with the freedom to choose. If the soul mate He created doesn’t choose us, then what? Are we doomed to be alone? Which is why I do not believe in soul mates. But of course I will dive into that topic deeper in a later post.
So how do you recognize “the one”? You watch, you ask questions, you communicate. See if their beliefs, traditions, etc line up with what you want for your life. Get to know them and their life, see how they handle disappointment and anger. Realize that God wants you to have the best. So He will not only send someone you like into your life, but He will also send someone who is good for you. I encourage you to look deeper at the person, what they bring to the table, and their potential more than you look at what they have, how they look, what they drive, or their status in life. Focusing soely on these things will have you missing out on some great people.
Until next time my loves,
God bless